It was a straight-forward sort of day. Sun was shining, birds were singing. Whittlesea is becoming a motorbike rendezvous these days. I got to the Mobil servo somewhat early and was watching the comings and goings of the two-wheeled brigade when a tall bloke strode across and said "I remember you, you’re Les". Unable to deny it, I then had the difficult task of dragging up distant memories with which to recognize this bloke with his helmet on. Not an easy task.

For those of you with a history, it was Terry Mountney and his lovely wife. Terry used to ride a Kawasaki GPZ900 with us some years ago. They were about to depart on a day ride with the newish chapter of the Ulysses Club in that region which meets in the main street of Whittlesea. These days Terry rides a Honda Shadow cruiser. Something about not wanting to ride with a group at high speed. It’s called niche segments of the market. Something you’re all going to have to understand.

At about this stage Geoff, our leader for the day, rolled in. A shake-down of names and numbers revealed no fewer than 8 new people or non-members. I was also quick to notice that almost half the blokes were called Geoff, and the other half were called Jeff. A boon for those with short-term memory deficiency.

So here we go: ……

Members : Geoff Jones ZZR600 (Lead rider) Geoff Barton R1100 GS

Les Leahy XT600 (Rear rider) Craig Morley YZF750

Luke Richardson GSX1200 (Bandit) Mick Bosworth ZX9R

Ray & Katrina Walker GSXR750 (well, most of it)

Ian Payne CBR900RR

Non-members : Steve Leyland & Sue R1100GS Jeff Servaas VTR1000

Lisa FZX250 (Zeal) Craig CBR1000

Jeff VTR1000 Lee Kwacka LTD 750

Richard VTR1000

Being a ‘member-of-the-year’ points-hungry fool, I volunteered to take care of the rear riding duties and also the write–up. (Club Participant of the Year, actually ….Ed.)

Write those points down Ben!

Leader rider Jones then gave an impromptu address about where we were going and how he was going to conduct the event. As clear as a bell I remember the prophetic words: "How fast you ride is a personal arrangement between you and the law".Not bad; I like that.

So, as we were going in the general direction of left, what did we do but head right. At first I didn’t understand the significance of this but in hindsight I see that it was a dastardly clever ploy by leader-rider Geoff to deny club Secretary Warden (who arrived after departure time) of his attendance points. And damned effective it was too. Warden criss-crossed the state all day without finding us. No points, Ben!

Names such as Arthur’s Creek, St Andrews, Kinglake East come to mind as I trundled along at 100 km/h sweeping the rear of the field. Somewhere before Flowerdale I noticed two gentlemen in earnest conversation at the verge of the roadway. Being an astute rear-rider I quickly ascertained that one of the gentlemen was indeed a Geoff and the other was wearing a smart and interesting-looking uniform. Being a canny rear rider I continued on by as if this occurrence was of no significance to me what-so-ever. It has taken years to perfect that look of total disinterest.

Within a couple of kilometers the Club had turned left to Strath Creek so I sent the corner-markers on knowing that there would be a reasonable wait. In due course Geoff arrived looking somewhat crestfallen. The prognosis was not good and he wisely excused himself from the remainder of the ride and headed home.

We all eventually straggled into Broadford for a late smoko or an early lunch. All the newcomers were still intact including the young lady on the Zeal who was handling the country roads rather well. Next port-o-call was Kynton, but even as I was approaching Pyalong yet another Jeff from out group rode past me in the opposite direction and off into the distance. "Funny", I thought "f-u-n-n-y?" Apparently his bag, including assorted treasures and necessities of life, had bounced off into the shrubbery and his need to retrieve it was great. So great that he neglected to notify the rear-rider. Tsk. Tsk. But he was new, so we’ll let him off this time. Having dispatched one corner-marker onward to spread the word, a few of us wandered around in the warm sunshine. Eventually one of our long-term club members, who wasn’t named Geoff, nor was he named Jeff, volunteered to retrace Jeff’s footsteps while the rest of us continued on.

Before we knew it, signs to Trentham were looming and Geoff had us safely arriving at the object of our day-ride, the not inconsequential Trentham Falls. By now there was only two of the original four Geoffs/Jeffs remaining.

Now, I’ve been past these falls perhaps a thousand times and never stopped to go in. Which is a pity, because they are an interesting geological structure and well worth the visit.

Our return route led us through Blackwood, Myrniong, Toolern Vale and eventually to Digger’s Rest where all of us diggers who were left did come to rest.

So there you have it. Well at least no one fell off which is a good thing, is it not?

It was a Wednesday and Australia Day and if the assembled 22 bikes was an indication of the popularity of our short ride format then it already looked like an outstanding success. At Yarra Glen for the 10 am start we had:

Dave Ward - YZF-R1 (leader) Bronwyn Manifold - RGV250 (rear rider)

Darryn Webster - TL1000R Derek Atkinson - FZR1000

Ray Walker - GSXR750 Harry Miller - GSXR400

John Clowes - RGV250 Eric Makin - YFZ-R6

Ian Payne - CBR900RR Dianne Welsford - CBR600 (joined at Marysville)

Danny - CBR250RR Rob Wordie - GSXR750 Jeff Hornbie - ZX6

Dwayne - YZF-R6 Sam - ZZR250 Rob Jones- VTR1000

Dave Hives- ZX7R Dave - GSXR750 Darryl Hedt - T595

Brad Watson- TRX850 Lisa Caruana- FZX250 (Zeal) Neville - BMW R75/6

Wayne - GSX1300R (Hayabusa)

With such a large group of non-members in attendance special emphasis was made of our corner-marking-system: who the leader and the rear rider were was clearly identified. Once explained we set off for Healesville, then across to Launching Place, Warburton and Reefton. Along the way John, Eric and Dwayne joined in. We also attracted another half a dozen bikes from Warburton. You could tell by their attitude they were going to show us how to do the Spur, and they sure did, for not more than a couple of corners in, one of them ran his GSXR1100 straight off the road and down the embankment. He was unbelievably lucky: only a broken blinker and a couple of scratches on the fairing. The rider was also very lucky as apart from a bike jacket and helmet he only had on a pair of tracksuit pants and runners.

We continued on through the Spur to Cumberland Junction for the obligatory regroup and bullshit session. Then word came through that Danny on the Baby Blade had crashed. When he eventually showed up there was very little evidence of damage. Fortunately he was not going very fast and simply ran of the road and tried to brake on the grassy verge and fell over.

Off again, winding down the fast sweepers to Marysville. This is usually a favourite stretch of road for me,but with the Blade’s suspension now in the loosening up stage, I found it a very choppy ride. I will have to do some fine tuning to the front and back end of the Honda.

We stopped for fuel, then up to the Bakery for a leisurely morning tea. Dianne met us here and had been talking to another rider who had been out with the Touring Club but found them to be a pack a "loonies" and now rode with Andrew Kennedy and the Honda Club! Dianne quickly put him straight as to which group she would rather be with. The break also gave us the chance to talk to some of the other riders. Wayne, Dave, Danny, Rob and Sam were all on their first ride with us after being invited along by Ray Walker. Also Neville, on the BMW, used to be a member of the MTCV back in the 1970’s. He commented how things had changed and riders were much slower on the "dirt". He still remembered Les Leahy, Tom Saville and Peter Philferan from those days.

Dave assembled the troops for the final run through the Black Spur and back to Healesville. All was going well until Bron appeared with news that the Hayabusa had crashed. When Wayne finally appeared there was a remarkable lack of damage. It seems he had failed to negotiate a bend and ran off the road into a culvert before finally crashing. Damage was limited to a couple of blinkers and some scratches.

The ride officially ended here with most people heading for home. A few of us went to Warrandyte for a coffee. Only problem was a torrential storm hit the area and we had to wait for over an hour before it ended so we could ride home. Thanks to Dave for leading and Bron for the rear riding duties.

Ian Payne (Honda CBR900RR)