Editors:

Vol. 2, No. 1 Ron Landers
July, 1963 Len Shearer

* * * * * * *

A large number of people with a large amount of junk spent a large amount of money and time at our Auction Night and social on Friday, June 7. New faces included Barbara Landers, Ron’s sister, and Michael Thomson, Elsie’s friend. Also nice to see Tom and Janet Brown from the Vespa Club. First time we have seen them since their wedding just a few months ago. General club business came under discussion and was then followed by the sale with Ken K. as auctioneer. To list all that was sold would be impossible, but some items included: tyre and tube (fair condition) for 1/-; hand-made leather mittens 2/-; another pair of fur-lined mittens 6/-; a coffee grinder, 5/-; stacks of books at 5/- the lot; camera tripod 22/- (the best sale of the night); assorted kitchenware; assorted costume jewellery (fake imitations), and a host of other goods. Total amount raised exceeded £10, in all a terrific effort. We are now looking forward to the next one so that we can get rid of the rubbish that we bought. The evening concluded just after 11.30pm, without time for our usual dance and games, but supper, as usual, was coloss.

In this cranky world of the moment, I consider that everybody should all buy horses. Then the world would be more stabilised.

Approximately a dozen members attended the combined social night with the Vespa Club on Friday, June 21. Main object of the meeting was to present the winners of the recent trial with their prizes — Ken K. and Len S. taking first prize on the Maico. A few silly games were held, the Vessy-ites winning the "fishing" (2-nil) contest and the M.S.A.V. taking the honours in the "underwater eating contest". Barbara L. showed ‘em how by diving in head first, as did Mr Carron and later Bob G. Supper followed and the evening concluded shortly after 11pm. Many thanks to the Vespa Club for once again providing a grand night’s entertainment and ensuring the success of yet another inter-club function.

A member of the Y..M.C.A. Motor Scooter Club sustained serious injuries in an accident during June. She is Bep Slee, well known by many of our members. We would like to extend to Bep best wishes for a very speedy recovery and hope it is not too long before she is back on that Lambretta.

The time: Sunday, June 30. The programme: While Melbourne Sleeps. The subject: An accident in St Kilda. The announcer speaks: "I believe you know something about the accident sir. Could you tell us what you know?" The witness: "Well, I was driving along here with I saw this car, which at first I thought was parked. Then I thought there was something strange about it, as it was parked upside down…"

Three monkeys sat on a coconut tree

Discussing things as they’re said to be.

Said one to the others: "Now listen you two,

There’s a certain rumour that can’t be true.

That "Man" descended from our noble race,

Why, the very idea! It’s a dire disgrace.

No monkey ever deserted his wife,

Starved her baby or ruined her life,

And you’ve never known a mother monk

To leave her young with others to bunk

Till they scarcely know their own mother.

And another thing you’ll never see,

Monkeys build a fence round a coconut tree,

And let all the nuts just go to waste,

Forbidding the other monks a taste.

Why, if I built a fence round this coconut tree,

Starvation would force you to steal from me

And here’s another thing no monk would do,

Go out at night and get on a stew,

Or use a gun, a club or a knife,

To take some other monkey’s life.

Yes, "Man" descended all right, the ornery cuss,

But brother, he didn’t descend from us!"

Motor scooterists in Victoria are to a very large extent unaware of the fact that it is illegal to have left-right turn blinker lights attached to their machines in working order. That is, you may have them fitted for use outside this State, but you cannot legally use them on our roads. They must be either disconnected or not in working order. Several scooterists have been booked for this offence this year, although generally a warning is given by the "booker" involved.

About ten members met at Mont Albert Tram Terminus and were escorted to Cynthia Noble’s home. Six scooters and one car and little Wendy comprised the numbers. Peter found out why his lights were not functioning — battery lead was eaten away. Rex and Ron L. had oil changes. Ron L. had about an eggcupful in his gearbox (talk about economy!). John F. was crawling all over his Maico. "Doing what?" you ask. Reply: "What wasn’t he doing!" Everyone was doing something, but what we don’t know. A cuppa tea followed, and after giving due thanks, we departed for home.

PS: Going home I broke a piston ring and chipped the piston on my machine — some maintenance!

Ron L.

Do you know why a Scotsman moves around so much when playing the bagpipes?

No, why does he?

To try and get away from the noise, of course.

Met at Alexandra Avenue on Sunday, June 20 for our trip to Woodend and Hanging Rock. Eleven people in all on scooters and one car. Welcome to Kevin, on a Lambretta. Near Essendon Ron L. had a flat tyre. Clear run from there to Woodend. Here we met John Barker and his brother. Ken holed his petrol tank. Rex stayed behind with him, and the main bunch proceeded. Had lunch at the Rock and waited for Ken, Rex and Ron D. to arrive (without brakes). After putting all the rubbish in "Oscar" we ventured to the top of the mountain. Everyone posed for Alex and Bob’s cameras, all perched like galahs. Two groups played hide-and-seek in the rocks for about half an hour. Then for home, with John B. and Cynthia both running out of petrol en route. Ken went home in Mal’s car, after leaving his Maygo at Keilor. Clear run to the city, where we dispersed.

A knight in shining armour was sent out by his king on an urgent and top secret message delivery. It was a terrible night, with a chilling cold wind, pouring with rain and temperature around the zero mark. Before he had travelled far, his horse reared, threw him off and bolted, leaving him stranded on foot. He made his way in the storm to a wayside tavern, where the good landlord admitted him, gave him warm food and drink, and seated him by a nice warm fire. The knight then remembered his important errand, and asked the tavern keeper if he could borrow a horse. The good man replied that he did not have one. The knight then focussed his eyes on a huge dog in the corner, the largest Great Dane that ever existed. He requested the man to give him the dog as a beast of burden so that he could continue on his journey. The reply came as a refusal, the reason being thus: "Oh, but good sire, I could not send a knight out on a dog like this."

Along came Pete on his souped up head

He saw Jack on his Triumph which made him feel cheap.

But that didn’t worry big Pete at all

He knew his B.M. was in for a ball.

So he sat on his sickle and lit a fag
And then said casually "How ‘bout a drag?"

Now Jack knew his Trumphy was the best on the road
So he said with a smile, "We’ll make it ten mile
And I’ll leave the B.M. behind in a pile".

It was Dandenong Road they met for the race

An ambulance was there, just in case.

Gus was there on his Beesa Gold Flash

He said he’d make this race a real hash.

Now Chris was there by force of habit

He wanted to enter his hotted-up Rabbit.

Four machines they had on the line

And each one thought he’d do real fine.

The flag was dropped and wheels started spinning

Now the race was really beginning.

The Trumphy got off at a fantastic pace

The B.M. was close right in the race.

The Besser was third doing real fine

And Chris was still on the starting line.

After two miles it became quite a fight

By now the Rabbit was out of sight.

The B.M. had now caught up to Jack
and the Beeser behind had gone to the pack.

Through Oakleigh they sped doing ninety-five

And the onlookers thought they’d never make it alive.

Outside Oakleigh Pete gave her full throttle

The parts they found would fit in a bottle.

With big Pete now out of the race

Gus could see that second place

The Beeser moved up at a deadly pace

And Jack could see that he might lose this race.

They came to a curve and the Triumph was swaying

It was just about then that Jack began praying

For he was out on the right of the road

When all of a sudden a big semi showed.

Gus rode on straight through the mess

He heard a siren (it was Eliot Ness).

Three times a month Gus had been booked

This time it seemed his goose had been cooked.

Then over the line doing thirty-five

Came the winner Chris, HE MADE IT ALIVE.

Nine machines and two cars, ventured out on the trip to Blackwood and Barry’s Reef on Sunday, June 9. Amongst these were Laurie Edgar and a friend (both over from Adelaide). Left at 9.30am and met Stan Savage, Dolina and her sister at Footscray. Then on to Bacchus Marsh via LAVERTON. Well, at least it was a novel way of getting there. Lunched at Bacchus Marsh and then continued on to Blackwood. A football match began here, and was followed shortly afterwards by a ride on the merry-go-round, with all our overgrown-children-type club members enjoying it to the utmost. Left for home at 3.00pm and apart from Ron L. having trouble, all arrived home fairly early.

The following incident occurred in London about six months ago, and was reported in "The Herald". Only the wording has been changed slightly.

A postman in London was waiting at the traffic lights on his bicycle. Suddenly a big flash American-style car ran into him from behind. The driver just sat there, smoking his cigar, as if nothing had happened. The postie glared at him, then at his bike, then promptly kicked his headlights to pieces. The motorist got out. Looked at the twisted rear wheel of the bike. Then jumped on the front one, twisting it badly. Postie eyed the mess, picked up the broken chain, and ran a long, deep gash down the side of the sedan. Owner didn’t say a word. He simply picked up the bike, raised it above his head, and brought it to the earth with a might crash, buckling it out of all proportions. Postie summed it up, picked up the wreck, and threw it through the car’s windscreen. Owner promptly entered same, and drove away.

Met at Alexandra Avenue at 3pm on Saturday, June 15. Left after Ron F. finally arrived at 3.45. While waiting, Bob G. went to visit Richard. Rex, John F., Ron L. and Sheila were on two wheelers, and Peter, Bob, Mal, RonF. and Lyn in cars. First stop was Maurie M.’s at Reservoir. Met Danny, Ron D., Janice J. and Gordon, and Len, without "Rattles" — now "Instant Silence". Had soups (tomato, chicken and then pea) and left for Ken K.’s at St Albans. Took short cut through Kilmore and lost Peter, Mal, Gordon and had fish at Ken’s. Left machines at Ron L.’s home and piled into the cars. Third course was at John F.’s at Brighton, the main course. Then onwards once again, this time to Lionel L.’s for dessert and a look at telly. Final stop was Ron F.’s place also at Box Hill, where coffee etc. finished the eating part of the party. Played a few games, one where Bob tried to fool Rex (blindfolded) into kissing him. Club funds were raised when the rule was sing or act or pay 2/-. Evening finished at about 1am and we made our way to Ron L.s for dispersal. A good night was had by all who attended and we thank the people who made it possible.

Ron L.

FRIDAY, JULY 5: Club discussion on club business. Dance, games and supper. Also a # to Old Members Night. Hope to see a large number of the old faces on this occasion. Club Hall, 8.00pm, Bring a plate.

SUNDAY, JULY 7: Crib Point — our yearly mid-winter swim. Bring towells, bathing suits, straightjackets. Alexandra Avenue, 9.00am.

SATURDAY, JULY 13: Ice Skating at St. Moritz. Alexandra Avenue, 7.15pm.

SUNDAY, JULY 21: Tooradin and Korumburra. Come and try a bit of fishing. Alexandra Avenue, 9.00am

FRIDAY, AUGUST 2: Club social. Concert Night. All members are asked to perform some item, whether atrocious or outrageous. Dance, games, supper. Club Hall, 8.00pm.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 4: Trip to Fairy Anakie. Our first time there. Alexandra Avenue, 9.00am.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 9: Dinner Dance at a pub or night spot somewhere. All details to be arranged. Deposits due and payable at August social.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 18: To Mount Donna Buang for snow (s’no kidding). Come and throw a snowball at your best friend. Alexandra Avenue, 8.30am sharp.

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 1: Morning at indoor bowls somewhere. Alexandra Avenue, 10.00am.

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 6: Club social. Pyjama Night. Let’s see if the Charlies are game to wear their "Baby Doll" outfits, and the males their nightshirts. Club Hall, 8.00pm.

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 8: Sunbury and Lancefield. Don’t know what’s there, so let’s go and see. Alexandra Avenue, 9.00am.

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 14: Mystery Trip. Details cannot be revealed, as we don’t know anything about it.

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 22: Challenge Football Match, M.S.A.V. v. The Vespa Club. Place to be arranged (will be about 30-40 miles from City). Alexandra Avenue, 9.00am.

STOP PRESS: It has just come to our notice that all overseas manufacturers of two-wheelers are not to make any motor scooters any longer. The reason given is that they are already long enough.